things don't always go as planned

So life as I know it moves on. I quit work in March. I had these grand plans that I would be able to do so many things; write this blog every week, take great photos, bake, work on the house, maybe start a garden. I figured work was causing my pain and symptoms to worsen each day, that I couldn't do all the things I wanted to because I was using all my pain and energy at work.

Well...that's not the case at all. My pain levels, my neuropathy symptoms, my headaches and tinnitus, my fatigue, they are all the same! Okay, somewhat better since starting Effexor XR (for nerve pain, not depression) but not nearly where I assumed they would be. I can barely wash the dinner dishes without my hands cramping and my back tightening. I can barely sweep and swiffer the floors without needing a break.

Arachnoiditis is down right awful. It's the stealer of lives...it takes away your physical abilities as well as your mental abilities. Pushing myself each day to do menial tasks wears me out. Taking a shower can become a huge undertaking when you are having a high pain day. You'd think the hot water would feel good, loosen muscles, help you relax. Unfortunately, due hyperthesia the water can feel boiling when it's warm, can feel like piercing icicles when it's cool. Hyperthesia is from misfired nerves, it sends odd pain signals to your brain. A touch can feel like an uncomfortably tickle or like you're being rubbed with sandpaper. It's another symptom of arachnoiditis that many of us suffer from.

On the brighter side, I am able to do things with my husband and son on the weekends. I don't feel like I need to recover from a long, stressful work week. Last weekend my husband and I took our dog, Allie, to Lincoln Park. A big, beautiful park along Puget Sound in West Seattle. Lots of trees, grass, water, lovely views, and great walking trails. It was nice to reconnect with my husband, to walk and talk. He's been working 2 jobs since I quit work.

Beautiful view

View of Puget Sound @ Lincoln Park

My husband Mike & Allie, our dog

Also the puppy is still keeping me busy. She turned 7 months last week. We walk every morning and play A LOT. She's learning a lot of basic obedience commands. We're going to work on doing some cool tricks and some agility soon. She's been an awesome addition to the family. She's helping me to focus on the present, to forgive and forget, and to express unconditional love to those around you.

Life is full of a lot of nasty, difficult trials and I am working on focusing on the good, being grateful for the blessings around me, no matter how small.

Relaxing in the grass, enjoying the view

Allie, in the back yard, acting like a lion, rawr

slacking on these blog post

I've been really slacking on these blog post, but I have a good reason...we have a new addition to our family!! No, I didn't have a baby...we got a German Shepherd puppy! She turned 5 months old on April 15. Her name is Allie Grace. I'll be training her to be my therapy dog. We will be attending obedience classes. She's been with us for a little over 3 weeks and she's the best thing ever. It's been a challenge but it's so worth it. She's nothing but love and spunk.

She's picked up so much in the time that we've had her; eat, water, yard, ball, toys, Nate, potty, sit, stay, up, lay down, off, come, quickly (when we have to walk across the street), easy ( when we're going down stairs or a hill so she slows down),  wait, hey (when we want to get her attention and get her to stop), she hasn't mastered NO, but I think she is just choosing to ignore it, lol.

I've been walking her every day and playing with her. I'm picking up on her queues and she's picking up on my daily rhythm. She picks up on our emotions. My son had a very rough day and she was right by his side, cuddling and giving him kisses. She helps me feel protected so my anxiety levels are down, as are my pain levels. There is a difference between feeling calm and really feeling calm. What I thought was calm wasn't. It's like calmness switched on and once it did Allie listened better and our mutual trust grew. I look forward to many years ahead with this little stinker.

She's worth the time and energy and effort. How can you not love this face?